Life's Little Dramas

I’ve always loved a bit of drama, both on and off the stage.

It all started at school when I played the Angel Gabriel and was upstaged by the Virgin Mary. The starring role may have eluded the seven year old me but I was destined to try again later in life. In fact, my artistic aspirations lay dormant for many years and only surfaced when I moved to a little village in Northumberland and joined the Village Players.

We had some fun putting on a pantomime in the Village Hall every Christmas, and even more fun in the intervening months. One of the players was an ex-naval man and he arranged periodic “Runs Ashore” for the group. This involved hiring a minibus to take us to the bright lights of Newcastle for a night out. The best one ever was an excursion to party on the Tuxedo Princess, a floating nightclub on the Tyne. This particular Run Ashore had a Coronation Street theme with a “Liz MacDonald” look-alike competition. Dressing up as Liz MacDonald, for those who don’t remember her, involved leopard skin prints, black leather, very short tight skirts and ankle twisting stiletto heels, not to mention the big 1980s hair and lots of make-up. We caused quite a stir on the Tuxedo Princess’ famous revolving dance floor. Back on the bus we laughed hysterically when it was revealed that a man called “Slick” had given each of us his card and asked us to call. He clearly had a fondness for Liz MacDonald.

The Village Players also had a Quiz Team which met weekly at the local pub. Our team name was, of course, “Hello Sailor” and we had a great time trying to beat our arch rivals, “The Jeremy Guscott Fan Club”. Oh Yes, I almost forgot - there were the Pantos. We rarely put on traditional Pantos but we had a strong following in the village and everyone turned out for our “one night only” performances of such delights as “Old Mother Hubbard – a Wild West Pantomime” and “Tinny the Tractor”.

A house move re-invigorated my acting career when I relocated to the coast and joined the Whitley Bay Theatre Company. The group specialised in sit-coms and had good audiences most of the time, though we did once put on a show where the audience was smaller than the cast for a mis-judged Saturday Matinee.

My first role was Mimi in “Allo Allo” which was really good fun, but there was off-stage as well as on stage drama – of course there was. The chap who was playing the policeman was brilliant but he caused all hell to break loose at one rehearsal. He’d found a cigarette lighter which looked like a gun and thought we could use it for the play, so he put it in is his pocket and walked down to our rehearsal room. On the way two little boys spotted the gun sticking out of the aforementioned pocket and told their parents who called the police and we were raided by armed police officers about half an hour later. I almost got arrested when I told them to “Get a grip”. They’re a serious bunch!

After Mimi I played many other parts in sit-coms but some of my favourite roles were in plays by the Alans - Ayckbourn and Bennett.

Mrs Swabb, in “Habeas Corpus”, a Bennett Classic, was a joy to play as was Dee in “Role Play” by Alan Ayckbourn. She had some brilliant lines such as “Oooh he’s positively encyclopaedic”.

 For the Theatre Company our biggest earner was Fawlty Towers The set design was a huge challenge but one of our members did a brilliant job and the construction team, of which P was a key member, were amazing. When the curtain went up on opening night the set got a standing ovation. We hired Whitley Bay Playhouse for a week so we had to do the “Get In” build the set, have a full dress and tech rehearsal, put on four evening performances and do a “Get out” all in seven days. Phew that was a task, but it was wonderful to perform in a professional theatre with a packed audience.

The four main characters were superb and captured the essence of Basil, Sybil, Polly and Manuel brilliantly, the audience were delighted and the whole production was a great success.

After such a busy week the after show party at our house went on all night and continued with breakfast before we all went off again to unload the vans we had filled with the dismantled set, props and costumes the night before! It was hard work but both P and I loved it.

The part closest to my heart, however, was not Miss Tibbs, nor Edith which I played in a repeat of “Allo Allo”, but Mrs Slocombe in “Are You being Served” with her famous opening line as, while stuck in the lift, she hands down her cat basket and says, “Would you mind holding my pussy?”.

Theatre magic!

And my Swansong? Well, that was Calendar Girls in 2012 when I played Chris.